OUTSIDER

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creating dailyconnectionwithnature nature poetry water

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October 18, 2019

Words from the ocean inspired by the sublime @wolfmumma 💙

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Instagram post 2224257597081759991_6799045397 After more than a year on a bodyboard and sharing a borrowed surfboard, then picking up a cheap-yet-totally-unsuitable second-hand shortboard purely because it would fit in the van’s ‘garage’, as well as having a go on every other board someone might be mad enough to let me on, and hiring a couple of different sizes and shapes, and bothering everyone I know who surfs about board suitability, I finally settled on this quite lovely Mini Mal. She’s feisty enough that I’m gonna have to work to get good on her, but long enough that I can already catch decent waves and ‘nearly stand up properly’ - although foot positions still needs some work. I also chose this board because she’s gonna last me a good decade, and I believe that with the right care, she will. Took her out today for the first time just as a crazy set of waves came in. It wasn’t pretty, and I was a bit terrified at the size of some of them but oh my! I am learning and smiling and feeling so good both mentally and physically. I realise how much I missed the mountain bikes because I just need that shot of adrenaline to keep me feeling happy and grounded. So here’s my new love who makes me want to spend even more time with the ocean, which can only be a good thing. I already know that we’re gonna have plenty of wild times together. Thanks so much to @magicboardcenter for all the help and advice. This not an ad - they’re just lovely, knowledgeable, helpful people. 📷 @andyrgarside 💙🌊🏄‍♀️🏄‍♂️💦 #surf #novicesurfer #ladyofthesea #oceanlove #vanlife #vanlifeeurope #homeiswhereyouparkit #nevertoooldtolearn #middleages #middleyears #middleageandlovinglife
Instagram post 2220371855972666735_6799045397 I have ambitions to be a great writer. There. I said it. And every single one of those words scares the shit out of me. Where I come from ambition (especially in young women) was celebrated. Because although some of us had big ambitions, maybe a lot of us didn’t; and even if we did, our ambitions were perhaps more relationship focussed than creative. Then I discovered the world of art and literature and for the first time in my life heard the phrase ‘oh you’re one of those ambitious writers’ thrust as a knife in the ribs, not offered as a spotlight within which to shine. I was mortified. I am ambitious. This is not a good thing? Language is so powerful. Just one simple sentence can knock people to the floor, leave them reeling for months. So I tried to hide my ambitions, even as they continue to burst like weeds through the dull concrete sludge I swallow from those who see an ambitious woman and sneer. Sometime the universe clicks into place just when you need it. No pushing or grasping or stress. I’ve adored Madonna since I was eight. She is utterly uncompromising in her art, and I love her capacity to embrace all of the elements of herself and reflect that in her work without apology or explanation. I also hate stadium gigs so have never seen her live, but serendipity meant I was here in Lisbon when her theatre show was on. I immediately bought a ticket. Gods she is like a shot in the arm. A blast of espresso coffee. My chest felt warm with energy like a swig of Portuguese port. Sometimes we just need to be in the presence of a woman with that fierce, tumbling waterfall energy for an evening so that we can leave with the words ‘artists are here to disrupt the peace’ ringing in our ears, the utterly sublime projections to Frozen still playing behind the eyes, and the realisation that you don’t have to be right for everybody, but you do have to be right for you. #madonna #madamextour #madamex❌ #inspiringwomen #womenwhoinspire #lisbon
Instagram post 2217798772120154369_6799045397 Simplify life, make beautiful moments; create meaningful memories. #slowtravel #slowliving #quitthechaos #simplelife #buylesslivemore #bluesky #familytime #grandfather #grandson #atlanticocean
Instagram post 2214586208137605471_6799045397 A return to knitting. I’ve missed it, although I have to admit my commitment has been somewhat erratic over the years. There’s two things I’m very good at: socks and ponchos. The miniature and the giant. Everything else is pot luck really. When our van was broken into, they didn’t just take things of value but also any bags lying around, probably because they were in a rush and mistakenly thought there’d be cash hidden in the bags. One of these casualties was my knitting bag, which held all the needles and patterns I’d accumulated over the years along with three half-finished projects (one of which was the unravelling of a cardigan I’d finished and hated). This whole incident made me realise that I don’t cope well with intrusions, but also that I deal with it by going EVERYTHING IS FINE IT’S ONLY STUFF WE’RE OK THAT’S WHAT MATTERS. But that approach didn’t allow me to admit how shaken I was by what had happened. Vanlife is beautifully serendipitous, but also a fragile egg because, for us anyway, the van and its contents is all we have. Last year I bought some small double-pointed needles and four balls of sock wool as a restart. The next socks were knitted for a friend and posted, but they didn’t arrive and are still lost in transit even though sent recorded delivery. I know this sounds like a ridiculous sob story but I suppose all these things have stopped me re-engaging with this passtime I’ve love so much. I just felt like I wasn’t bothered, but perhaps it’s taken until now to feel I have a better understanding of the roots of this ambivalence. Anyway - our grandson (and our kids-who-are-adults) are coming to visit tomorrow. We’ve booked a lovely farmhouse for the week and I felt the urge to knit baby Arthur some socks for his farm wellies. They’re not finished, I’ll do that while he’s over and hand them to him in person, but I think I might start knitting more again. I enjoy the simple precision of it in the darker winter evenings; the joy of seeing what can be created from a single unbroken thread. #sockknittersofinstagram #sockknitting #vanlife #vanlifeeurope #homeiswhereyouparkit #creativelife #buylesslivemore
Instagram post 2211629175104891128_6799045397 Thinking about a healing (r)evolution for the coming decade. Don’t forget to breathe 💙🌊 #poetlife
Instagram post 2210860116811829366_6799045397 Time is an ocean or a raindrop. One decade gives itself over to another and I think more that our counting of time feels awkward, and almost childish: like a stick drawing of a horse or hummingbird that can only relay the most basic and rudimentary outline. This might be the last time I worry about Xmas or New Year. Each time the winter rolls beneath walking feet I find myself, like so many other women around me these days, more attuned to the solstice and the journeying of the moon, than any man-made calendar. This is what our hearts sing to, this is what our bodies know. I stand at the ocean, in the presence of this God of Time, whose tides are drawn around the earth by the moon, beneath a winter Milky Way, in a calendar not of our design, but that has existed long before us, and that will continue to cycle long after we have become nothing more than a billion-year-old light speck in someone else’s sky. There is a humbling taking place in my soul. A deep understanding of this balance I have sought for so long. So much of what I have worked towards in the past is irrelevant in this place. So much of what I’ve ignored is the bare and essential truth of this wild life. I hope these coming years bring you joy and enlightenment or that you find your way towards them. I will continue to embrace a slower way of living, more attuned to the land beneath my feet and the ocean tides, it’s where I find peace, I hope you find it too. (I took this photo last night from our van before folding in for the evening - this place is magic). #poetlife #wildwoman #solstice #moon #nightsky #vanlifeeurope #traveller #nomadiclife #homeiswhereyouparkit #buylesslivemore #atlanticocean #vanlifediaries
Instagram post 2208300941311258376_6799045397 Living a permanently travelling lifestyle isn’t exhausting as long as you tune into both yourself and the place you’re in. Sometimes we stay just one night and move on, but this is pretty seldom these days unless we’re stuck. In the beginning this need to keep moving was ingrained in us - that desire for progress, to be doing something: miles on the clock, new towns ticked off the list, keep on keeping on. But, as we let go of expectation and the old rushing along mindset, we found beneath all that exhausting and unsustainable froth a beautiful slow and meandering river of time that we now quite happily paddle along on. Often we stay four or five days in a place, depending upon the weather, our work, suitability for the hounds, and surfing potential (this last one is a brand new essential) and then, in the midwinter, even in the bright sunshine, we slow right down even more. Time deposits us in an oxbow lake and we let go of it all for a couple of months to just float in the gloriousness of being in the world: we watch the moon bloom then wilt like a giant flower in the sky; learn the wildly oscillating mood swings of the ocean’s tides; feel the earth wake to greet us each morning with the sunrise and kiss our feet goodnight with each sunset; we become more aware of the local trees visiting us in dreams. There’s something quite magical about being able to listen to your heart and the call of the land in this way. It reminds you of what’s important; it reminds you of who you are. 📷 @andyrgarside 🌞 #vanlife #vanlifeeurope #homeiswhereyouparkit #sunsetlover #sunworship #liveauthentic #slowtravel #buylesslivemore
Instagram post 2206866443868665511_6799045397 I‘ve been thinking of the ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ mindset a lot lately, but honestly - I don’t think most women are afraid. Fuck. We give birth, or don’t. Which is equally as brave. We hold communities together, or set out solo across the world. We love so fucking hard for so many people without fear. What holds us back, what keeps us ‘in our place’ is guilt. Guilt that we shouldn’t be: so loud, so large, so intelligent, so empathic, so hilarious, so quiet, so soft, so hard, so masculine, so feminine, so beautiful, so different, so creative, so independent, and so goddamn adaptable. That last one is our greatest weakness as well as our strength - it means we’ll sit in miserable situations forever and keep smiling. When I let go of guilt, I let go of so many unacknowledged things that were holding me back. I vowed to let go of it all and instead grasp a firm hold onto what helps me grow. I wish the same for all you women out there this next decade. I really believe we will change the world if we can first manifest this shift within ourselves. #newdecade #solsticeshift #solstice #wildwoman #feminist #feminism
Instagram post 2205966827987931826_6799045397 I have to share this story of these two: ever since we adopted Bonnie (the black whippetx) 4yrs ago (at just under 1yr old) she’s been terrified of dogs she doesn’t know. This manifests in her shouting at them Very Loudly when on walks and if she’s off the lead she does a sort of fly-by shouting a them At Great Speed. We’ve tried everything, taken various advice from trainers, even a muzzle (which we all hated so that didn’t last long). Just recently we’ve been learning to surf and we’re on a quiet(ish) beach where the only thing for the hounds to chase is rabbits in the sand dunes. So far so good. We decided to see how the hounds would cope with coming surfing with us - and they’ve been brilliant. Sitting at the side of the ocean, watching us; not straying too far away. BUT the absolute unexpected bonus of this has been that Kit (the blond lurcher x deerhound) is teaching Bonnie not to shout at other dogs. We cannot believe it. We are out in the ocean waves and can’t do anything, so when other people walk past with their dogs and Bonnie takes off towards them Kit cuts her off at the pass Every Time. He shouts at her, points her in another direction and remains running alongside her to keep her away from the dogs. And Then (I kid you not) he goes over to say hello to the other dogs and she kinda follows. Tentative. But still... she stays put. No running. Minimal barking. This is incredible. He’s taught her more in the past two months than we managed in four years. And she listens to him because she respects him and always has in a way that doesn’t translate to the relationship we have with her. I just feel that this whole exchange had taught us so much about the intelligence and beauty of all animals - if we’d just give them the space and trust and love to grow into themselves instead of stamping our ownership on them. So much love for this pair of hounds and everything they had to teach us about life ❤️❤️❤️ 📷 @andyrgarside #adoptdontshop #rescuehound #furbabies #bestfriends #whippetx #lurcher #lurchersofinstagram #doggielove #doggies #vanlife #vanlifeeurope #homeiswhereyouparkit
Instagram post 2204700257357747538_6799045397 It feels fitting that I’ve just typed these words on the winter solstice. There have been so many synchronicities while writing this book - sections dreamed under the magic of supermoons, wild rivermint conversations, endless west-coast syrupy orange sunsets, and of course our vanlife travels last winter down to Crete, and this year through Spain and France. This isn’t a travel book though, it’s speculative fiction/sci-fi, a bit anarcho-feminist, with myriad elements of the natural world encountered making appearances. So, here’s the new draft. 75,000 words. It’s the strangest thing writing a book. I’ve not been paid for it. I have no publishing contract (although that will hopefully come), it’s just hours, days, weeks, months, and in this case, years of a life funnelled into creating something that might be loved, or panned. You have no control over the outcome. I’ve had to let go of any notions of what success for this work might manifest as, instead just keep on writing: one word, one idea after the other; keep refining the concepts, study every person I know in the minutest detail, keep writing and improving and reading and reading, then writing some more in the hope that somebody somewhere will recognise something in these words, that something in here resonates. #amwriting #novelwriting #speculativefiction #scifi #writerslife #poetlife #buylesslivemore #hermitlife #livebravely #liveauthentic
Instagram post 2202968559259653026_6799045397 Woke remembering this poem. Living slow allows the space to listen to the subconscious and really think about what she’s trying to tell me instead of rushing off and discounting her. Posting this here as a note to self, and to you, for this coming solstice, Yuletide, and a new decade that will manifest in reflection of us. We are magic. I think sometimes we forget that. Listen to the whole poem on Soundcloud - link in bio. #poetlife #slowlife #slowdown #wearethewild #awakethesoul #rewildyourlife #buylesslivemore
Instagram post 2202359507999635685_6799045397 Not huge fan of decorations. Even when the kids were young we waited until around the 15th December to get the last tree in the forest. This year’s minimalist affair feels perfectly suited for celebrating Yuletide in the van. With thanks to the pine trees we’re parked next to for donating a small branch to brighten these shorter, darker days, and for the healing dreams. This year it’ll be just the two of us again and honestly, I feel a great sense of happiness about that. For well over two decades I cooked a huge family dinner for anywhere between six and sixteen people. I loved planning and creating every one, but circumstances change and so, instead of trying to force a tradition that has had its time, I’m letting go, embracing new ways of celebrating, and realising that doesn’t detract from the wonderful memories I have of years gone by. I know that some want to be surrounded by people to celebrate at this time of year, while others yearn for silence and solitude - I just hope that whatever you wish, you’re able to manifest it over these coming days. I will be drinking hot chocolate with Baileys, walking with Andy and the hounds on windswept Spanish beaches, eating nutroast; reading and writing. That honestly feels quite perfect for my life just now. Wishing you all Yuletide warmth wherever you are in the world and hoping this decade to come somehow manages to evolve into one of love and compassion, not greed and judgement. #yuletide #vanlife #vanlifeeurope #winterseason #candlelight #firtree #homeiswhereyouparkit #feelingfestive #slowliving #slowtravel #vanlifediaries #vanlifemovement
Instagram post 2193178970575619621_6799045397 Cant believe I caught this shot today. Love this pair so much. They make life on the road infinitely more interesting. This basically sums up my year, so I’m gonna leave it here for you all to enjoy. You’re welcome. #vanlife #vanlifeeurope #homeiswhereyouparkit #rescuehounds #adoptdontshop #spain #dogslife #bestfriends #vanhounds #houndsofinstagram
Instagram post 2193172994749413917_6799045397 A lot of the time life feels like this balancing act between maintaining momentum but not overdoing things. I’ve definitely been guilty of overaction for the sake of it in the past. It’s how I’ve kept the anxiety at bay. These days it feels good to have resolved that creative tension - still feeding the need to keep creating, while letting go of expected outcomes. I think maybe that’s a confidence that comes with age. Anyway, I’m going to pause posting on this Instagram grid for the rest of the month while I work on other things (except for the next pic - you’ll see why). Finishing on this pale dove grey colour for the grid is fitting for this time of year even though I’m in Spain. This is the Cymraeg fog from which all my inspiration comes. I’ve got a good feeling about what’s shifting vaguely in the background for this decade to come so I’ll just keep focussing on that next step and have faith that the rest will sort itself out. #poetlife #creativelife #onestepatatime #traveller
Instagram post 2189886257696799918_6799045397 advent calendar: parked between the sun and a new moon the world has shifted within / days are not counted like beans / time is not spent like money / energy roils from the Atlantic into my heart where dreams of adventure are beginning to take shape in the pale grey formlessness / imaginings are fishes flashing in depths / I cast no nets / will not catch them so young / instead, I will gift them to the dolphins // overwintering at this ocean / I fold into a calendar not of our making / when the time is right I will know by the colour of the sky / by the whales in my dreams // #rewildyourlife #buylesslivemore #theoceaniscalling #atlanticocean #newmoon #vanlifeeurope #poetlife #sunset #vanlifediaries
Instagram post 2186923946442995572_6799045397 I feel there’s not enough easily accessible information about being in the outdoors and women’s periods/moons/cycles. A recent exchange made me realise that instead of expecting male writers to include words detailing it, outdoor women could write more openly about it all. I was inspired to write this after reading an article ‘How To Shit in the Woods’ on the Gather Outdoors website, which I highly recommend for its practical, environmental approach to, well, shitting in the woods. If you spend any length of time in the outdoors, there’s going to come a moment when you’re miles from anywhere and need a shit. This is ok. What really isn’t ok is leaving tissue paper or worse, wetwipes, in bushes, sometimes next to an open pile of crap. It’s quite frankly disgusting and gives all the sensible hikers, vanlifers, and outdoors people a really bad name. Just stop it. It’s so simple to leave no trace. We dig a scat hole with a small pointed shovel, poop in the hole, then bury it. All tissue paper goes in a biodegradable dog poop bag (tip - you don’t need a dog to buy the bags) which is pocketed until we find a bin. If this isn’t for you then don’t go outdoors for longer than a few hours. Don’t leave tissues behind after peeing either. In addition to this, for women, a silicone moon cup is brilliant. One will last for years. You just pull it out and empty it into the hole then either reinsert straight away or rinse with water from a bottle (also good for washing hands afterwards). There’s absolutely no waste, and they can stay in for 10hrs if needed. If you prefer to empty it indoors, just tip it into the toilet, or pee bottle, or down the shower drain, reinsert, and carry on as normal. There’s no shame in any of this, only ignorance, so I reckon talking about it all is the best way to rectify that. In the meantime ladies, have a great life in the outdoors any day of the month. I do. Would love to know any other methods used for managing your moon when outdoors if you’d be up for sharing? 📷 @andyrgarside 💙💦🌊 #ladyofthesea #surfphotography #oceanlove #surferphotos #mooncup #outdoorwomen #periods #periodstories #periodsolutions #ownyourperiod #realmooncupuser
Instagram post 2185497658670950525_6799045397 I wanted to say hello to all the new people who’ve followed this account recently. Instagram is a place I love for its sharing, creative community so I’m grateful that you’ve decided to join this OUTSIDER journey. My name’s Sophie McKeand, an award-winning poet, and nature writer from north Wales. For the past two years I’ve been slow-travelling across Europe in a self-converted Mercedes Sprinter hi-top LWB van with my partner @andyrgarside (a freelance graphic designer & photographer), and our two rescue hounds. We’re currently exploring the south of Spain and Portugal as we’ve discovered a newfound love for surfing. We’re slow-travelling minimalist enthusiasts who’re working towards a less wasteful way of life. This isn’t just about minimising clutter, it’s about stripping all aspects of our lives back to bare essentials so we can fill our time with experiences, not stuff. This account is a way of documenting these work/life travels in real(ish) time. It’s made up of fragments of poems, insights & photographs gifted by the ocean and the land. My poetry books are available through the shop on the sophiemckeand.com/outsider website, and I’ve also been using this time and space to dream the first speculative fiction novel into being. The Madness of Sara Mansfield, is as inspired by our travels and the landscapes encountered as the non-fiction and poetry. This book has been a loooong slog to create because I’ve had to keep working to be the person who could get this book written, but I feel it’s finally getting there. I also post additional words, photos (usually by Andy) and recipes from the road twice monthly (14th & 28th) over on OUTSIDER exclusively for Patreons - link in biog for details if you’d like something extra and more in-depth to enrich your month. Otherwise thanks again for stopping by and I hope to see you on the road sometime! #poetlife #vanlife #traveller #buylesslivemore #whatthewatersgaveme #atlanticocean #bluewhale #ecopoet
Instagram post 2183382042212252645_6799045397 Two year vanniversary!! Two years ago on Nov 23rd @andyrgarside and I gave the keys back to our rented home in Wrexham and set off on what can only be described as The Adventure of a Lifetime. We had, simultaneously, epic plans and also no idea what the future held. It’s been a white-knuckle-ride through: healing relationship trauma, questioning everything we thought we wanted, navigating a new and completely different physical and emotional space, coming to terms with having the van broken into and coping with the fallout of that, and having to hold firm to our belief in this nomadic way of living even as others might like to decide they know what’s best for us (they don’t). Through all of this epic learning experience we’ve grown as people, and as a couple. We have a deeper love, understanding, and respect for each other that can only come from working through some awkward, heavy stuff, and that work continues. As part of this journey we’ve also immersed in the landscapes of European bee eaters, Spanish eagles, and hummingbird hawk moths; in the crashing waves of the Atlantic Ocean, we’re learning to surf - spending hours in saltwater laughter as our bodies adjust to new physical demands. We’ve travelled from the northernmost tip of Scotland to the southernmost part of Crete. I now know that Slovenia is one of my favourite countries with its tumbling blue glacial waterfalls and stunning alpine beech forests. Life back home was so fast; there was so little time to think, I got lost. These days our travels are slow and meandering, we have time to create, and dream, I’m finally beginning to understand who I am. I know this life wouldn’t be for everybody - that’s the beauty of our multifaceted existence, but we all only have one life so if you have a dream, even if it’s just a glimmer, hold onto it, put the work in, stay focussed, breathe life into it every day. It’s out there waiting for you. #vanlife #vanlifeeurope #anniversary #homeiswhereyouparkit #vanlifediaries #lovehim #minimalistliving #buylesslivemore
Instagram post 2181834898867189813_6799045397 Living with less isn’t less fun (or at least it’s not meant to be). It’s more of a return to embracing the contradictions of a slower life. We don’t go out every weekend like we used to, and don’t really drink these days, but still I love the occasional mojito-fuelled blast around old European towns. We travel slowly to see the world, driving our home-on-wheels in giant arching European loops but can no longer afford long-haul flights; do we want to given the environmental climate? I take on less work - which in itself is terrifying when it plays such a huge part in defining who we are - and in the process find the words for the novel I’ve wanted to write my whole life. I love my family and believe in community, but now also embrace and champion the need for long periods of relative solitude. I also realise that community comes in many guises and it’s ok to want to choose your own more carefully. Often others want things from us without questioning why, and if we’re not careful, we can spend our entire lives lost in catering to these infinite demands. Living with less in a world of seeming abundance means finally and wholeheartedly embracing the Joy of Missing Out, knowing I’m exactly where I want to be - the rest will figure itself out. #vanlifeeurope #traveller #homeiswhereyouparkit #buylesslivemore #lifeiswhatyoumakeit #slowliving #slowtravel
Instagram post 2180405805114099682_6799045397 Slowing down is a strange experience, at once soothing and terrifying. Many of the stresses of our productivity-focussed lives fall away, but also busyness can be a mask for all the sides of ourselves we don’t want to admit to. You take it off and what’s left? I never met a tree, or a badger, or a river with these worries. It’s all a construct. Slowing down just allows us to see this world for what it is; to see ourselves for what we are. It brings the question to mind always: why do I want this? And clears space for honest answers to form. Living slowly also helps to discover, beneath all the crap, a deep love for the world, and each other. #slowliving #slowtravel #slowdown #poetlife #minimalism #buylesslivemore #youarebecoming #rewildyourlife
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