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Mental Health

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Fire in the mountain

August 10, 2020

An old tattoo reminding me I have fire in my belly, and that sometimes I’ve allowed these flames to be near-extinguished. Mountain energy here is magnificent, and this time I’ve brought all the right things. As for my fears? Well, it doesn’t matter how big the mountain – when multiplying thoughts by 0 fear, you still get 0 fear. Feeling ready to think big and throw down some attitude. Nature always gives us what we need if we’re prepared to…

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Still working on Self-love

May 4, 2020

I wasn’t sure about posting this photo Andy took when I wasn’t aware recently. I don’t look like a lot of the other yoga people in these squares. My legs are thicker, I’m still learning to stretch my 44yr old body into what are considered some pretty easy poses, and I’m not in lycra. But then a lot of showing up in this space, for me, is about my struggles with self-acceptance, with loving myself exactly as I am, not…

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Still oscillating

March 18, 2020

@tinygiantlife asked today how people cope with anxiety and stress. When I’m funnelling it into healthy activities I become obsessed with learning a language, surfing, mountain biking, writing, reading and cooking interesting dishes; when it all gets too much I drink wine, overeat sugar/wheat until I feel sick, get stuck in scrolling news cycles, cannot focus on creating, and become horribly self-critical (who do I think I am creating this… Etcétera ad nauseum). This week I’m oscillating wildly between the…

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On radical self acceptance

February 24, 2020

I always hated my photo being taken, nevermind a selfie, but radical self-acceptance is proving to be a beautiful gift from me to me that shifts self-defeating thoughts like sanddunes. I’ve spent time in the company of some lovely women this week, we’ve talked writing, cooked food… Laughed. And perhaps these days have made me realise how, the more I accept all the facets of myself, the more I can sit with other women, hear their stories, and celebrate all…

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A return to knitting

January 5, 2020

A return to knitting. I’ve missed it, although I have to admit my commitment has been somewhat erratic over the years. There’s two things I’m very good at: socks and ponchos. The miniature and the giant. Everything else is pot luck really. When our van was broken into, they didn’t just take things of value but also any bags lying around, probably because they were in a rush and mistakenly thought there’d be cash hidden in the bags. One of…

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Letting go of guilt

December 25, 2019

I‘ve been thinking of the ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ mindset a lot lately, but honestly – I don’t think most women are afraid. Fuck. We give birth, or don’t. Which is equally as brave. We hold communities together, or set out solo across the world. We love so fucking hard for so many people without fear. What holds us back, what keeps us ‘in our place’ is guilt. Guilt that we shouldn’t be: so loud, so large,…

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Sometimes heaven doesn’t look like heaven (even when it really is)

November 14, 2019

Life in the van is a dream. It allows the space to connect with nature, and myself, and to write. It’s all I want. It’s definitely not the life for everybody because there’s the less-luxurious, nomadic side to this minimalist lifestyle that wouldn’t suit a lot of people. But for me, this way of living is perfect, and yet still, sometimes accepting this is harder than it sounds. The ego wants to get in the way: now I have the…

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Choose your life

November 9, 2019

Sometimes when I write, I imagine the one person in the world who will hate what I’m about to say, then I multiply that into a thousand voices. Then I stop writing and go have a cry. It’s the same with vanlife. Some people get it, others don’t. I realise I’ve given too much energy in the past to justifying myself to people who have no intention of understanding of me. Not any more. Live your life. You don’t need…

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When I stopped hearing advertising and started honouring my body #197

November 4, 2019

Building a daily yoga practice has been a long journey. Some days it’s simply a run and stretches to connect breath to body. My arms aren’t so strong and I need to be able to get my ass up on that surfboard, but both my body and I agree on this so we do the work. Still these days I have no interest in the language of shred, burn or sculpt when opening dialogue with my physical self. I wouldn’t…

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