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remembering the river: Slovenia, May 2019

March 28, 2020
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The story of my tattoos

STEPHEN’S LAST NIGHT IN TOWN (NOT)

Some thoughts on change

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sophiemckeand_outsider
Crows now finished. Obrigada @lisandra.siqueira fo Crows now finished. Obrigada @lisandra.siqueira for your beautiful work of art. I knew I had to have this tattooed on my skin the moment @andyrgarside returned from Lisandra with new ink. I always said I'd stop having tattoos when I turned 40 because that felt like the time I should start to be more sensible. Ha. Fuck that. Now I'm 44 and working on this leg sleeve. Tattoos are a deeply personal telling of my story and so of course they'll continue to map their way around my body as I age. #womenwithtattoos #tattoo #crows #crowoman #tattoosforlife #tattoos #blackworktattoo #blackwork #legsleeveinprogress #skin #storyofmylife #middleyears #midlifewomen #fortiesstyle #fortiesarefabulous
**UPDATE** when I was handed this challenge of wom **UPDATE** when I was handed this challenge of women empowering and celebrating women I didn't know that its origins are rooted in remembering and protesting the brutal killing of a Turkish woman. Here's what I've learned: "Reported missing in Turkey's Aegean province of Muğla on July 16, university student Pınar Gültekin (27) was found dead in a forest area five days later. A man named Cemal Metin A. was detained shortly afterwards. He has been arrested for "killing with monstrous feeling."" Which makes it more important than ever for women to support each other. I volunteered for years running poetry workshops with Welsh Women's Aid and I saw how hard each woman worked for the strength of their beautiful hearts to overcome some of the horrors they'd seen or been subjected to. I also saw how often they were blamed for the situations they were often forced into. I'm thankful to everyone who brought this issue to my attention as no woman should be forgotten in our excitement to celebrate each other. Written with deep respect and in solidarity #pinargültekin #turkishfemicideawareness #stopviolenceagainstwomen Challenge accepted thank you my lovely friend @c_colli 💙 📷 @andyrgarside 💜 #womenempowerment #feminism #sisterhood
Hello friends - just a note to let you know of the Hello friends - just a note to let you know of the last gig I'm doing for a while. It's on my Instagram Live from 8pm - 8.15pm as part of the Llagollen Fringe Festival. There's a whole raft of wonderful North Wales artists on this event tonight so check out @llangollenfringe for more details. I've loved being part of this festival over the years and this time is no exception. Thanks for dropping by and hope to see you tonight at 8pm (also my first attempt at Insta Live so let's hope it doesn't go horribly wrong - we've parked on a clifftop on the west coast of Portugal where there's good 4G 😀). #spokenword #poetlife #poetryperformance #poetryisnotdead #poetrybyheart #poetrycommunity
This is my old O'Neill @oneillwomens @oneilleurope This is my old O'Neill @oneillwomens @oneilleurope wetsuit. I love this suit. It's lasted the past 7 or more years. I've done triathlons in it, wild winter Welsh coast swimming in it, and I've learned to surf in it. Recently it started flooding because my bodyshape is changing due to so much surfing so I decided to invest in a new one. Of course I went for Oneill again as I loved this suit so much. The @surferslab Peniche sold me a beautiful new suit, the O'Neill women's hyper freak 3/2+, at a not small cost of €260+. Within two weeks the stitching has come undone along the left arm and the joining stitches are poking out of the knees. I was sold this suit on the understanding that it has a FULL ONE YEAR guarantee and that if there were any problems I could take it back to any O'Neill store and exchange it, this was something that the salesperson told me repeatedly. Back at Peniche and I'm only offered a repair. I don't want a repair on what is clearly a faulty wetsuit. I have no faith that the rest of the stitching will hold. Andy also bought a new suit at the same time and has had no problems with his. I don't feel I'm being unreasonable asking for a new replacement for a piece of faulty kit that is now only one month old. This is shocking customer service. I'm utterly gutted to be hung out to dry like this. I've gone from being a huge O'Neill champion to swearing I'll never buy their gear again. I don't usually like to speak publicly about this sort of thing but I'm appalled at Oneill's refusal to sort this out - what is the point of a guarantee if it's not honoured? #seeyouinthewater #surfer #surferslab #womenwhosurf #surfday #wetsuit #wetsuitfail #hyperfreak #hyperfreakwetsuits #oneillwetsuits #oneillfail #surflife #surfsup #surfinglife #surfcoast #portugal #westcoastsurf #fail #epicfail #givemeanewwetsuitlikeyoupromisedwhenyousoldittome
I'm not doing a 'Stephen's Last Night In Town',* p I'm not doing a 'Stephen's Last Night In Town',* promise 😂. But just to say that over on the OUTSIDER blog (link in biog) I've opened up all the additional paid-for content so that it's free. In the right-hand column there's a category 'OUTSIDER Patreon Chapters' click on that and you'll find additional recipes, poetry, photography and some longer essays. My hope for this online project was to illustrate that living slowly with less doesn't have to be purgatory, in fact it can be the best the years of your life. This photo was taken a year ago in Northern France by @andyrgarside 🧡🧡🧡 *thanks Ben Folds for the line 😄 #vanlife #homeiswhereyouparkit #vanlifeeurope #minimalism
I haven't been posting on here so much lately, & i I haven't been posting on here so much lately, & it feels as if I'll be posting less now as the months roll on. Originally I set up this account, and the OUTSIDER blog (link in bio) to document our shift from a settled life stuffed full of overwork & fast-paced living, to a more minimalist, slow, migratory way of living. That was thirty months ago. I cannot believe how quickly the time has flowed around us & we have felt like a tiny boat drawn inexorably onwards. The days since making this transition have been some of the best, & toughest, of my life, as we've navigated new ways of being with each other, & in the world. A huge healing process has taken place, I am not the woman I was, & throughout all of this I've been writing, dreaming, creating... This is now central to who I am. It always was really, just that I allowed my true Self to become marginalised by the demands of our culture. This deeper understanding has revealed how I want to create, & what I will create, but along with that is another shift - I no longer want to share such a large part of my life in this way. I'll keep Instagram and the blog going as they're fun & a lovely way to connect, but they're not the work, the work is the novel, and the ones that will follow. This much I'm certain of now. The only other thing I'm certain of is change. These first 30 months of vanlife have brought about unforeseen metamorphosis in my life so that I know this alterative way of living is the absolute right one for the foreseeable future, & the man I share my life and dreams with feels the same. Everything is swimming along beautifully & I am the luckiest person alive to be able to live my life in this way, surrounded by nature, creativity, & love. I hope my sharings have brought some inspiration; I really hope they've encouraged people to look more closely at, & question, what is being demanded by our rapacious culture; I hope it's helped towards the alternative narrative being written by more of us these days that there is more than one way to live & it is OK to prioritise happiness, self-healing and peace. Much love and hope to see you on the road sometime ✌🏼💙 📷 @happy_female_traveler
The best way I've found to move towards #zerofoodw The best way I've found to move towards #zerofoodwaste in the van kitchen is to work with what's already in instead of buying new ingredients all the time. I try not to just do the food shopping on the same day each week, instead going once the food has run out (which can be up to 9 days later). This dish of spicy black bean and fresh tomato soup with lemony-herb topping, served with garlic chapati, was inspired by the extra black beans I'd chucked in for us when soaking a load prepping the dogs' meals, along with 6 fat tomatoes in the fridge that needed eating, and half a jar of chopped lemony/garlic herbs still in the fridge. I softened an onion in oil, then added 1tblsp paprika, 1/4 tsp hot chill flakes, 2 grated garlic cloves. Then added the chopped fresh tomatoes (I leave skins on because I can't be arsed with the faff of peeling them), a pint of veg stock, 3tblsp tomato puree, and brought to boil. Simmered and added the black beans (already soaked and boiled), served with a dollop of chopped lemony mixed herbs made a few days earlier, and also got my gorgeous partner in life and cooking, @andyrgarside, to whizz up some fresh home made garlic chapati. There was enough for 4, so today I'll add dry rice and water to the leftover mix and simmer until the rice has absorbed all the soup, so we should be left with a yummy sticky spicy tomato rice with black beans, and the last of the herby topping. The only bit going in the compost is onion and garlic clove skins.
Wore shoes last night for the first time in ages a Wore shoes last night for the first time in ages and still walked the 5km home barefoot. I love being in tune with my surroundings, the way my body is fully aware of changes in temperature and texture; feeling the hard, smooth white cobbles give way to soft, damp midnight grasses. These past few years, no longer restricted by ridiculously shaped shoes, my feet have spread, rough callouses have formed along the heels; I can no longer stride with certainty, and instead a softer, more measured, approach to walking has evolved. I scan for sharp edges, broken things, and thorns, which has developed a deeper, more mindful approach to being in a place. Walking barefoot teaches me to listen through the soles, to notice everything about the earth; to cultivate an appreciation and gratitude for grasses and soil, for sandbanks and smooth rocks. Thanks for the pic @artofbeingjanecoe 💜 #barefoot #myfeet #barefootwoman #barefootdreams #womenwithtattoos #mindfulwalking #vanlife #vanlifeeurope #homeiswhereyouparkit #liveauthentic
Earlier this year I had a poetry residency at the Earlier this year I had a poetry residency at the National Trust's Chirk Castle in North Wales, with the aim of engaging with the natural environment and the grounds surrounding the castle. It's the second time I've worked on a project there, the first being a few years earlier when I was invited to work with groups of young people from the local school to write poetry in response to the castle. On both occasions I felt a deep need to address the massive elephant in the room, namely, that the castle was owned by Thomas Myddleton (from 1595) who was Lord Mayor of London and also a founder member of the East India Trading company. So although it is true to say he acquired his vast wealth through 'trade', what the National Trust fails to honestly explain is the extent to which he was involved with the colonisation of India and the transatlantic slave trade. When taking the tour with the young people I had to specifically ask the guide to mention these things and elaborate as this isn't (or wasn't then) something included. An argument has been put forward that this area of Wales is predominantly white so who's going to argue? In the light of current events it is absolutely a FACT that we white people should be demanding that the National Trust is transparent about the origins of the immense wealth that kept this castle (and many other NT properties) standing strong, in this case as part of the ring of iron of English castles built to quash the native Welsh rebellions. Any institution claiming to be preserving history cannot simply cherry-pick one narrow set of events and present only that as fact, especially not in this current climate of cultural awareness. National Trust are keepers of ALL our collective history, therefore it is absolutely essential that they tell the full story, without whitewash or pandering to some outdated fealty to a since defunct British Empire. Link in biog to original piece reflecting on the residency. #blacklivesmatter #blackhistory #colonisation #slavetrade #britishempire #blackhistorymatters #india #speakout #whiteprivilege @nationaltrust_
The product of early morning insomnia. Wind is wil The product of early morning insomnia. Wind is wild outside the van this morning. #awakening #wakeup #poetry #poetlife #insomniacs #waketheheartup
There's something I love about the art of persever There's something I love about the art of perseverance. Although we're all born with differing capabilities I truly believe that anybody can get good at any skill with enough time, effort and perseverance. Personally, I prefer taking the longer, more difficult route to learning. When I've examined this I realise it's because my philosophy is that if I can do something in difficult times/under difficult situations then I'll be really good when the going gets easier. Surfing has been one of those things. Because I'm already a good swimmer, I've had no problem getting out the back and paddling to catch a wave, but oh my the pop-up has been a nightmare. Added to that the fact I don't like the bigger, easier foamie boards as they completely overwhelm me (I'm only 5ft 4") so I went for a more lightweight, slimline board to start out on (also more flighty, less stable, very responsive), which has made getting the pop-up a real challenge. For months I've had to do so much work on core strength, hip flexibility, balance and handstand drills on the yoga mat just to get to the point where I had the ability to POP my sorry carcass up on a board travelling along a wave. There's been some spectacular wipeouts and so many almost-made-its. Then yesterday, on a new beach, where the waves were rough and choppy it took 30mins to get out the back so that I was already knackered, I caught a 4ft wave from the back and rode it all the way into shore. Words cannot describe how good that felt. I've written before about the ways in which I use different skills to aid the writing process: knitting helps with improving exactness and attention to details, mountain-biking helps me to pick a route and commit, cooking aids creativity on-the-hoof; and surfing's taught me to not to quit, to keep learning and improving, and eventually I'll get there. I've had similar feelings about my novel lately. Anyway here's a pre-surf pic, just rewaxing the boards with some gorgeous organic surf wax from our new favourite eco-friendly surf shop @mothersurf_co - not an ad we just love their ethos AND even their wetsuits are from recycled materials. Legends. Catch you out in the waves 🐳 #surf #womenwhosurf
Dear friends I'm always bowled over by the ways in Dear friends I'm always bowled over by the ways in which people will step up to help those in need. In this case Eat Well Manchester is raising funds to provide beautiful, nourishing meals for those living in food poverty during the Covid crisis. I've donated a prize of a poetry mentoring session, but honestly go check out the whole auction as there's donations by Liam Gallagher, Guy Garvey, Doves, Jane Weaver, John Cooper Clarke and loads more. Link in my bio to the full auction. Here's some more info: Ever wanted to explore your poetic creativity and follow in the footsteps of your favourite wordsmiths but are unsure where to begin? Then look no further and enjoy bidding for this lot. Former Young People’s Laureate Wales Sophie McKeand has kindly donated her time to participate in a Zoom mentoring session. Sophie is a multi-award winning poet currently embracing a more minimalist, nomadic way of being in the world as she travels Europe in a van with her partner and two rescue-hounds. Her work is an exploration of our deep connection to the natural world, and each other, and the ways in which these manifest. Sophie will read and/or listen to your poems, and have a discussion about your poetry and writing in general. During the session she will read you some of her poetry and tell you about the books she’s writing on her travels. I’ve donated this prize to @eatwellmcr BIDDING IS OPEN NOW you can register and bid on this prize by going to https://bit.ly/2zYzF1d (link in my bio) AUCTION COMPLETES ON @unitiedwestreamgm ON SATURDAY 6TH JUNE AT FROM 7PM #eatwellmcr #unitedwefeed #unitedwestreamgm
BLACK LIVES MATTER #blackouttuesday #keepamericagr BLACK LIVES MATTER #blackouttuesday #keepamericagreat
How much freedom do we have, if we're completely h How much freedom do we have, if we're completely honest with ourselves? Every choice come with conditions: buy a home, and agree to trade an extortionate amount of debt for comfort and security; focus on your career, and know that the more successes you have the greater the compulsion to compete, the need to remain current and relevant; choose a family, and be enfolded in love, but also all the drama. What is the price for absolute freedom? To live your life in such a way that nothing is able to shape your existence? I honestly don't know, because I don't believe it's possible, and I'm not sure complete freedom is something anyone really wants. But, the more we travel, the more apparent it is that a single monoculture is devouring everything and everyone, everywhere. We no longer celebrate differences of lifestyle or philosophy, not even of opinion. In some creative circles people are positively triggered just by hearing that you don't like a book or film that their social circle deems important. This is when the monoculture seeps into our thoughts, and it's when, more than ever, the artist has to stand up and speak their truth even if it feels as futile as throwing snowflakes at the eyes of the behemoth. How does any artist genuinely write about the machine when the machine feeds and clothes them? When the machine pays the mortgage and provides paid work? I don't know. But I do know that to create anything of lasting worth is to at least attempt to speak from a place of freedom; to release yourself from the shackles of comfort in order to reach for the truth. These three gulls in sunset flight yesterday inspired these words. 🙏💙 #freedom #flight #sunset #alternativeliving #homeiswhereyouparkit
Settling into Slow Time, the work also flows diffe Settling into Slow Time, the work also flows differently. Creating a life you don't want a holiday from takes a lot of conscious thought, a firm grip on the wheel so that you're not pulled in so many opposing directions by all the other wonderful connections out there in the world. Always I ask, do I need this potential new opportunity? Or does it fit with my original plan? If not then, no matter how lovely or exciting, it's not right for me just now. I dream of building a circular, migratory life, a space that enables the right paths to unfold organically as I travel. It's hard when I sometimes feel misunderstood, but creating a life outside the expected norms means preparing for, and accepting, that. Anyways, some days everything falls into place and I sit writing in paradise. 📷 @andyrgarside 💙. Also check out my desk that someone left in a carpark 🧡. #slowlife #vanlife #livingourbestlife #recycle #fulltimevanlife #homeiswhereyouparkit #liveauthentic #livebravely
I haven't added a baking photo to the collective b I haven't added a baking photo to the collective bake-off catalogue, so here's a work in progress. I've added peanut butter instead of butter and mashed bananas instead of egg so it's a vegan cake. I cooked this one a bit too long so it was drier than I'd have liked but honesty we still ate it all. Vegan cakes are actually really easy to make. Can't believe it's took me so long to figure that out. The rest is just flour, baking powder, caco powder (optional) and a sweetener like agave syrup, or just sugar will do. This was baked on our @omniasweden stovetop oven. Not an ad, we just love this nifty piece of van-kitchenwear. #vanlife #vegancake #vankitchen #slowliving
People have such varied ideas about vanlife. Some People have such varied ideas about vanlife. Some give the impression that we're all driving around searching for the perfect nature photo opportunity, that we do 100,000km a year, and that we're all social butterflies flowing effortlessly into new situations with grace and ease. I think there are definitely people out there who do that. It's just not us. One of the things I promised myself I'd do with this account and the OUTSIDER blog was to honestly reflect the long, slow metamorphosis from settled life to a minimalist, transient one. When I post about metal health, or my age etc.. I lose followers. But I didn't set this account up to get a million followers, I wanted a way to publicly document this journeying and to connect with like-minded people. I used to get frustrated when I'd read books, essays or blogs by travellers only to discover that they still own a house and just put all their belongings into storage for a year to write about the 'minimalist vanlife experience' in some guise or other. I felt that negated the very real and visceral evolution we've given up everything else to have. I would feel angry at the impossibly overwhelming privilege that would allow someone to put their London home up for rent, still afford to buy a van, travel (with all their possessions in storage), and have a book deal at the end of it. It just felt so fucking inauthentic I wanted to scream. Nearly three years in, I've mellowed a lot. It's not a competition. Whatever my experience, it is not negated or lessened by someone else's different approach to this lifestyle. We're all just trying to make our way, day by day, wading through the quagmire that is our-own-and-everybody-else's-egos. I also had to recognise that while I rage at the privilege of others, I forget my own. I am here, in this beautiful place, living my dream life regardless. And I realised that fiction is my love, not memoire, and my novel is being born of that. Life continues to make glorious circles and I'm just learning how to sit back and enjoy the ride a little more. Anyway, here's a photo of sunlight on my breakfast, just because it was a beautiful moment. #vanlife #liveauthentic #alternativeliving
Photo with my friend Moushumi Bhowmik on the overn Photo with my friend Moushumi Bhowmik on the overnight train from Kolkata to Jalpaiguri in 2018. She recently posted a lovely piece she'd created with her song and a poem I performed for her while over there. She writes, 'I met Sophie, a beautiful poet and spoken word artiste, in Wales in 2018. She and I were listening together to the sounds of water, bound and flowing. She called me to her home, then she came to mine. We spoke and sang together. Made our own song-poems. This video is from my trip to Wales and the sound is from a performance I gave in Kolkata in 2019, to the accompaniment of Sophie’s recorded voice. Kaushik Hafizee put together our sound and image. Sabyasachi Pal enhanced the sound. If low still, then please listen with headphones.” Moushumi Bhowmik 💗 link in biog to piece. #poetlife #collaboration #spokenword #bengal #bengalisong
Was feeling cute. Might delete later. #poetlife #s Was feeling cute. Might delete later. #poetlife #selfie #giving
I wasn't sure about posting this photo Andy took w I wasn't sure about posting this photo Andy took when I wasn't aware recently. I don't look like a lot of the other yoga people in these squares. My legs are thicker, I'm still learning to stretch my 44yr old body into what are considered some pretty easy poses, and I'm not in lycra. But then a lot of showing up in this space, for me, is about my struggles with self-acceptance, with loving myself exactly as I am, not some pimped-up X-factor version, and when I look at this photo I see a woman who remains open to learning, who isn't prepared to just sit around waiting to die now she's past 40, and who is still enjoying the process of self-evolution. The recent poetry videos I've been posting on here have been the very first time I've watched myself perform all the way through. In the past I've felt excruciatingly embarrassed and still haven't been able to view most of them. So what's changed? I have. I'm not thinner or younger than in any of the previous videos I've hated (in fact quite the opposite), but I'm now at peace with myself, and my journey. I have no desire to compete. That is an incredibly powerful place to inhabit and I have every intention of rooting here for some time. Returning to thoughts on self-image: when I speak I'm expressive and so sometimes my chin doubles, sometimes it's more pronounced. Should I adopt that weird, robotic side-look-angle thing that women have begun to believe is the only presentable way to be in this space. Fuck that. Because let's be honest, no guys are judged solely by their chin roll, or absence of it, and I have yet to see any man fucking around with that angle nonsense. I am an imperfect woman, trying her best to be her authentic self in an imperfect world that demands perfection. I'm not sure I get it right. I know that not conforming opens a woman up to criticism from the most unexpected places. But I also feel that showing up here, as I am, is my little piece of anarchy in a world that's pushing us all towards homogeny. 📷 @andyrgarside 🐶🐾. #liveauthentic #livebravely #middleyears #selfacceptance #radicalselflove #womenwhogrow #yoganovice
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