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surf’s up

November 28, 2019

All photos: Andy Garside

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sophiemckeand_outsider
I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud… #poetry #poetici I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud… #poetry #poeticimagination #wordsworth #cloud #imaginationiseverything #wordsarelife #homeiswhereyouparkit #natureismychurch
I’m fascinated by morally ambiguous characters i I’m fascinated by morally ambiguous characters in novels, although perhaps I think the term ‘morally ambiguous’ itself is interesting in that it suggests there are ‘morally perfect’ & ‘morally abhorrent’ people which is nonsense. I’d rather say that being morally ambiguous is simply ‘being human’. On an uncomplicated level this equates to the quote: “No matter how hard you try, you will occasionally be the villain in another person’s narrative.” But deeper than that, nothing is duller than being dictated who is ‘good’ & who is ‘bad’. People are so much more complex than that & what interests me is how a writer allows all these ambiguities & contradictions to unfold. The first time I encountered a novel that truly ticked all of these boxes was in my teens with Guy Gavril Kay’s epic fantasy novel, Tigana. An utterly compelling tale of family feuds, magic & revenge: so-far-so-cookie-cutter-fantasy but what elevates this book (as well as its mirroring certain elements of medieval Italy) is the depth of characterisation, the layers that slowly reveal themselves within people as they are confronted with the consequences of their actions causing joys & pains to ripple out across decades. In the centre of Tigana is Brandon of Ygrath whose son, Stevan, is killed by the Prince of Tigana. The vengeance Brandon wreaks over this death is utterly & despicably horrifying, & yet we also see how this man loves, all the multifaceted elements that make up a soul, the passions that create him. At one point he says of a particular enemy, “I hate that man down there… there is no passion in him, no love, no pride. Only ambition… Nothing in the world can move him to pity or grief but his own fate.” Would others say that about Brandon? We also experience Brandon through the eyes of Dianora - a daughter of Tigana who spends much of her life planning to kill Brandon, before they fall in love. The genius in this writing is that we’re left in no doubt of the horrors caused, but it encourages the reader to question where we might draw our own moral lines as our allegiance shift. Is it possible to feel genuine sorrow at a wicked man’s inevitable demise? A true classic I read over &&&
(Sound on) What does it mean to slow down? At wha (Sound on) What does it mean to slow down? At what point do we attain S L O W ? Aside from these past 4+ years in the van most of my life has been about speed & productivity: work faster, play harder, be the MOST extra at everything. I didn’t ever stop to ask myself why I was doing this or where this impetus came from. Don’t question it. Just work, put the hours in, compete better, self medicate with alcohol/drugs/shopping/scrolling/whatever; then claim your prize. But the rewards always feel so fleeting and so self-medication becomes the goal: I’ve worked hard this week I deserve to get smashed on Saturday night. Now I can look back on my past Self with a gentle curiosity. I understand her innate lack of self-worth and the hoops of fire she created and leapt through in order to prove herself. Still it was never enough. It couldn’t ever be enough while she still held The Void inside herself. Slowing down makes The Void so obvious it is inescapable - avoiding its existential pull had become everything, which is why perhaps we move at such speeds. But when I did allow myself to pause, to look, to breathe, to hold this nothingness and call it what it is, it wasn’t so bad - I drank less, created more; loved more, felt less anxious. None of this happens overnight, it’s a long slow circular shift from the capitalist paradigm into Self-understanding, and it takes focus because so many people are triggered by a soul who is actively encouraging a disentanglement from it all. But also, and here’s the joy, when you do start to revel-in-and-reveal your true Self, likeminded souls begin to find you, like fireflies we coalesce in darkness, and this is when the beautiful world sparks slowly into a bright and full kaleidoscopic life. #slowlivingactivism #slowdown #writerslife #natureismychurch #theroadismyhome #createyourlife #imaginationiseverything #poetlife #themountainsarecalling #alifeofintention
The more I travel the more I’m becoming aware th The more I travel the more I’m becoming aware that the thought of home wildly differs for everyone. This encourages me to consider how many people’s concepts of home or community simply follow those who went before without really questioning if we’re on a healthy path, both individually and collectively. What’s the answer? I honestly don’t know. I find these nomadic times in our van hugely liberating both physically and intellectually and that freedom of thought is something that continues to filter into the novels as fiction allows space to explore a variety of concepts from myriad perspectives. Link in my bio if you’d like to buy said books: first two in The MthR Trilogy are now available. The download page you’re directed to holds both ebook & audiobook links so you get both for one price which you can set at a sliding scale between £1 - £10 depending upon your circumstances. There’s also a choice of ePub and MOBI files. I’ve deliberately avoided using Amazon Direct because I disagree vehemently with their union busting activities and treatment of staff, so the MOBI file will need uploading to a laptop then adding to Kindle, if that’s what you use. iPad/iBooks is the easiest by miles. Audiobooks are MP3 files because I wanted the sounds of nature to bleed into the recordings and that’s not allowed on Audible. Alternatively, if you’re able to support my work in a more consistent way, there’s a link to a monthly PayPal subscription that starts at £2. This is similar to the Patreon setup I used to have but as I’ve moved to producing work annually (i.e. the novels) I found the expectation of creating weekly/monthly updates too stressful and had to cancel it. Link in bio for all of this, as well as to join my newsletter if you’d prefer. I truly hope you find something in my work that speaks to you. Thank you 💙🙏🏻🚎 #homeiswhereyouparkit #homeiswherethemountainsare #womenwritingscifi #womenwhowrite #imaginationiseverything #natureismychurch #slowlivingactivism #traveller #alifeofintention #fulltimevanlife #indypublishing #copyleft #indywriter
Writing on the road allows the privilege of drawin Writing on the road allows the privilege of drawing inspiration directly from source: the inescapable allure of the mountains, new perspectives gained through travel, the exhilaration of clambering shaking limbs up-and-over new peaks to stand breathless & in awe of this planet we call home. Writing sessions are fulled by French coffee & the abundance of apricots & cherries tumbling across farmers market stalls all over Switzerland just now. Outside of this, I devour books, box sets, films, poems. Storytelling in all its forms excites & nourishes this nomadic soul. I’ve just finished reading the quite wonderful Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel & was struck as much by its artistic beauty as its unflinching post-pandemic exploration. When I read the thought-provoking Under the Blue by Oana Artistide last year I noted she acknowledged Peter Singer’s Animal Liberation & vowed to get a copy. I’m still only halfway through. It’s a difficult read: the unflinching exposition of one species’ (human) treatment of every other species on this planet is thoroughly depressing; I feel like I’m being dragged over broken glass by this book, my heart utterly shattered & so I try to piece it all back together as best I can by growing & evolving a emotionally intelligent mindset. In other dreams, reading Welsh no longer feels like clambering around an impassible mountain trail on a dark night, now there are flashes of moonlight, fireflies dance new words into understanding, & perhaps I discover the bright & inviting light of a novel that illuminates elements of language with the quick tongue lick of dancing flames. Llyfr Glas Nebo is one such book & I’m now working my way through Manon Steffan Ros’s back catalogue (current read: Llechu). It’s such a strange blip of existence each of us momentarily holds together against all the universe’s odds, perhaps finding our ways to understanding the experience of this is the most impossible & compulsive challenge of all. #womenwhowrite #imaginationiseverything #womenwritingfiction #womenwritingscifi #natureismychurch #themountainsarecalling #dysgucymraeg #poetlife #animalliberation #indypublishing #slowlivingactivism
Being an indy publisher has both benefits & drawba Being an indy publisher has both benefits & drawbacks. The most difficult element for me is getting the books in front of people because I naturally stick to just posting on here (with the occasional e-newsletter), and that’s the extent of my promotions. Learning to talk about the work (which I utterly abhor) in a way that feels comfortable and authentic continues to be a challenge because I’m not a natural networker, preferring instead to create the work (or Instagram posts 😂). But I’m obsessed with having complete artistic control of every element of the creative process, including growing my own audience of people who genuinely get what I’m doing, and so that means I have to just suck up the bits I don’t like and start evolving new skill-sets. I’m learning to have confidence that these books will find their way out into the world, into the hands of the people who’ll understand and appreciate them. All of this is a pre-amble to say that there’s a lovely review of The Madness of Sara Mansfield in the current issue of Planet Magazine, it’s heartening to read words about my books in print - things like this keep a writer going through the darker times. You can buy the first two novels in The MthR Trilogy from my webshop, as ebook & audiobook, link in bio. Text reads: The Madness of Sara Mansfield is… a hard to categorise tour-de-force: it’s a novel, it’s poetry, it’s a thriller, it’s feminist sci-fi, it’s a song to the earth – set in a nightmarish future, a future of floods and famines, nuclear catastrophe, civil unrest… … But … McKeand offers us hope in language, poetry and the natural world that carries on despite the violence hurled at it; weeds growing in cracks… … This novel faces us with the fear of catastrophe we all live with; it isn’t an easy read. I was sometimes lost in the world of artificial intelligence, in the woven narratives. But let its visceral lyricism carry you, because there is beauty here, in the intensely visual prose, in the epic narrative. And it’s a plea, as well, to stop, to think, to reconnect with ourselves and with the earth… -  Catrin Kean, Planet Magazine #independentpublishing #sophiemckeand #womenwritingscifi
I’ve struggled with the concept of copyright sin I’ve struggled with the concept of copyright since I first began writing. I know what it is and why it exists of course - it’s part of the capitalist system that allows artists to be paid for their work. Can I say that fundamentally I disagree with the entire concept? Can I say that it’s another capitalist device that keeps us watching & fighting & competing with each other. But how then do we creatives make a living from the insights that we painstakingly craft and offer to the world? I honestly don’t know. So much of living in these times forces us to embrace contradictions or die a little more each time a new schism between our values and the reality of this existence rends across our hearts. I’ve been self-publishing Copyleft since 2010 (3 poetry pamphlets and two sci-fi novels so far), and this poem (above) is the final piece in the first poetry pamphlet, Prophecy: conversations with my Self (published Jan 2010) as I tried to grapple with these contradictions. I still haven’t figured it out. I did publish one beautiful full-length poetry collection, Rebel Sun, through more traditional means, but perhaps I just felt that was sliding too far away from the truth of my beliefs. After all these years of hand-wringing I’m still here, an independent Copyleft publisher of my own work, and so perhaps it’s finally time to stop apologising and fully embrace my Self instead. Text in caption below! #independentpublishing #womeninpublishing #poetry #copyleft #copyright #imaginationiseverything #slowlivingactivism #womeninscifi #womenwritingscifi #whoownsyourthoughts #anarchist #anarchistpublishing #anarchistpublisher
Are we constantly striving to become something new Are we constantly striving to become something new? Or do these evolutions simply reveal our true selves? Do you begin to notice certain trig-points in the consciousness? Cairns you’ve been constructing over the years, each return signalling a more authentic version of you? I think we can go the other way too, move so far from ourselves that we forget who we are. I absolutely believe we’ve done this as a culture (who exactly I mean by ‘we’ is an entirely different discussion of course). But here we are in Chamonix, hiking around the stunning Mont Blanc, so I return to Shelley’s poem that has moved me greatly over the years, and these closing lines reflecting the wisdom of a poet experiencing the sublime. There’s an acceptance of not-knowing but still, faced with such undeniable beauty, such utter magnificence, there is also the understanding that the mountain lives. And what were thou, and earth, and stars, and sea, If to the human mind’s imaginings Silence and solitude were vacancy? PB Shelley #poetry #ecopoetry #naturewriting #sophiemckeand #slowlivingactivism #writerslife #createyourlife #imaginationiseverything #womenwritingscifi #womeninscifi #montblanc #glacier #traveller #theroadishome
I bought these vintage Dickies overalls from @iron I bought these vintage Dickies overalls from @ironchild_vintage at @goodmotomarket last winter. It‘s been too cold to wear them as they’re light cotton so I’m chuffed they’re finally getting their first outing (on me) at Focus Wales Festival. A few people have said I should do more thrift stuff like this on here but to be totally honest I don’t buy much as I’ve got nowhere to put it all so there’d only be an update about four times a year 😂 As an aside, I’ve been sober for about 18months now and am finally noticing how easy these last few months have become. Like leaping a huge hurdle and now I’m merrily jogging along. Don’t even miss alcohol anymore and love how good I feel on festival mornings ☺️ Hounds have had a good swim in the river and so they’re now earning their keep by guarding the van* while we go check out all the great things to see on the last night of the festival. Top of my list are @rachellloydsings and @eadythofficial both at St. Giles’s Church which is a beautiful venue. *snoring loudly on our king-size bed. #vintagestyle #therealvanlife #fulltimevanlife #overalls #festivalvibes #focuswales #rescuehounds #soberliving #soberandsocial #soberandhappy
Why do any of us create? It’s a question I strug Why do any of us create? It’s a question I struggled with for years, only discovering the answer once I let go of the need to ‘know why’ and instead focussed on ‘knowing my Self’.   The answer that revealed itself is that creating is as natural an element of being human as breathing. All of us have the innate capacity to dream & imagine and yet our capitalist culture, our broken education system, and our obsession with profit & productivity over consciously co-creating a truly equal society for all results in too many people believing the lie that ‘they’re not creative’. But I continue to hold to the ideal that creativity has the capacity to change the world.   I’m exploring these themes through The MthR Trilogy because fiction is like a giant chess board where I can play various personal and political scenarios out to their conclusions, and the fringe genres of sci-fi (or even horror) have always been at the vanguard of ideas.   I publish the work myself because I honestly can’t cope with the stresses of the publishing world. It is competitive. No matter what anybody says, it is. And that’s ok if you’re up for the cut-and-thrust of it all – I’m just not. But what I am is a writer, and so I just have to keep writing, keep figuring out these societal conundrums rattling around in this head, keep sharing my findings in the form of this work in the hope that it sparks something with someone somewhere.   I get a lot of feedback on here from people telling me how inspiring I am. Which is truly lovely. But it doesn’t pay my bills. What I want & need is people prepared to buy & read my work, digest these ideas, have critical conversations about the themes. This is why I write & live the life I do.   I just deleted the apology I was going to finish with here, worrying that I might put some people off by being ‘extra’. But this is my work. It’s who I am. If I inspire you, go buy my books, please (link in bio).     #writer #novelist #selfpublishing #womenwritingscifi
Two of my very favourite beings in the whole world Two of my very favourite beings in the whole world. Can’t believe Andy and I met on 1st May eighteen years ago. Feels like another life. We were definitely different people. I don’t believe people should ‘have to’ stay together forever, but when you find a human who grows and evolves along with you then all the days converge into one giant adventure. ❤️
Here it is, Prophets of The Red Night, 2nd book in Here it is, Prophets of The Red Night, 2nd book in The MthR Trilogy (link in bio to buy ebook & audiobook). Again published on 1st May - a day of anarchy & promise & the day Andy & I met 18years ago.   Creating these books is a long & strange journey because the personal & political conundrums they explore have been gnawing away at my heart for years.   I knew I wanted to immerse in a slower form of storytelling, allowing space for characters to grow & reveal themselves across an expansive political landscape of 3 novels. I also knew for a very long time that I wasn’t yet the writer I needed to be in order to fully interrogate these questions, unfold certain characteristics, map potential outcomes. Am I now that woman? I honestly don’t know. I do know that the compulsion to craft these thoughts into art has become all-consuming & so I’ve followed the intuition as best I can. Sometimes that feels as futile as trying to remember a potentially life-changing dream days after the event but in moments of clarity I am in my boat of poems tumbling merrily downstream knowing absolutely that this is the way of my heart.   I’m learning to treat my professional anxiety as a stress indicator instead of it being something to fight. What this teaches is that complete creative control remains of the utmost importance, even if that results in eschewing more traditional means of finding an audience & promoting the work. Now that I know my Self I can no longer fit another’s vision or brief.   This writing is a strange obsession that has left me with little time for friends & also flat broke, but this is my life’s work & so is something I’m slowly learning to understand & honour.   I continue to publish under the Copyleft ethos because this heart demands that living my values is no longer up for negotiation, even as I accept that I cannot avoid the contradictions of living in this world. I suppose the trick now is figuring out how this life, these words, might also make a living - now everything else is shifting into place. Thank you to every one of you who buys & reads my work, your support means everything. I hope you find something in this new work that speaks to you 💗🌸
Is it possible to have it all? And by that I mean Is it possible to have it all? And by that I mean can we really build lives that allow us to explore the full scope of our creative expression, that don’t destroy the world around us or suck all the wealth from people who have an equal right to happiness and prosperity? I’m not sure any of us have the answers, although I know many of us are trying - exploring various pathways, pioneering out across the unknown hinterlands of our potential futures, constructing cairns as we go… I’m learning that I can embrace many things about myself, that I don’t have to conform to other people’s preconceived ideas about what being a grandma, writer and traveller could or should look like. It’s an interesting dichotomy because when I’m sharing this minimalist-life-on-the-road people have so many opinions on it, to the point that I’ve allowed myself to slide into ‘self-justification’ or even ‘self-defence’ mode too often, when really the truth is that I’m happy as I am, I also wish you joy and happiness in whatever iteration of your life best suits you. I still hold to the belief that variety and understanding are key to a future that might sustain us all. Anyways, we spent the weekend back with family before hitting the road again this morning - what a joy our grandchildren are 💛🌞🌼 📷 @a.country.mum 💙 #thechildrenareourfuture
All we need is… All we need is…
About last night… #homeiswhereyouparkit #lifeo About last night… #homeiswhereyouparkit #lifeontheroad #traveller #moonlight #alifeofjoy #natureismychurch #writerslifestyle
My new novel, Prophets of The Red Night, second in My new novel, Prophets of The Red Night, second in The MthR Trilogy sci-fi series will be launched on 1st May as this day of anarchy remains a favourite ☺️. I continue to publish under the Copyleft ethos and as with the first novel (The Madness of Sara Mansfield) you’ll be able to download this as either e-book or audiobook. Andy’s outdone himself again with the design. I love it so much. Anyway, here’s the blurb: Prophets of The Red Night Year 1. Moon 1. Day 1. As the people of the MthR LnD quest to create meaningful lives in this rapidly shifting future Europe, MthR’s expansion throughout land-and-mind-scapes continues to both inspire and disturb. Sara Mansfield’s resetting of the MthR LnD’s calendar to mark the advent of Singularity is causing uproar across the provinces as well as in the non-partisan state of Mont Blanc where this move is being heralded as bold, necessary and inventive; as well as political, egotistical and deeply unethical. Added to this, the anarchic ideologies of MthR’s staunch opposition, The Red Night, are being dangerously warped by a radical faction: the self-styled Daughters of The Great Mother, Prophets of The Red Night, whose increasingly populist movement echoes a darker European history. Throughout these upheavals, The Great Mother continues calling to her children in poetry and dreams, and as CROW haunts multiple protagonists across MthR’s virtual spaces, quantum leaps in understanding shatter across a multi-dimensional present many are struggling to grapple with, except one gifted young woman created in a lab, who has no future except that which she determinedly carves out for herself… Link will be in my webshop. #amwriting #novelist #writer #scifi #womeninscifi #womenwritingscifi #copyleft #audiobook #ebook #digitalpublishing #selfpublishing
Ah my face is changing! I feel like a wizening tre Ah my face is changing! I feel like a wizening tree - each grey hair, each line and shift of flesh shows that I’m no longer a young-sapling-pushover; I’m rooted, crown thickening, birds alight in my hair to flood the treetops with song. Time spent on this Earth has strengthened me, feeding into a creativity demanding only that I remain true to myself. #ageisbeauty #alifeofjoy #greyhair #acreativelife #forgeyourownpath #slowliving
Use it or lose it. I’m learning this the hard wa Use it or lose it. I’m learning this the hard way on two fronts just now - I signed up for Cymraeg classes again last year (now they do them over zoom), and so I thought I’d just pick up where I left off six years previously … cue me furiously hammering through DuoLingo and reading everything I can get my hands on just to maintain my unenviable position of class dunce 😂. Learning a new skill isn’t a linear path - so many cha-cha-cha steps forwards and backwards. You think you’ve got something nailed, move the focus elsewhere for a while… and then get sucked into the quagmire of realising you’re gonna have to wade some huge steps backwards just to fumble to a pathway that might eventually lead you back to where you once were. But I do love the phrase, I’m starting from experience not from scratch’ so this morning was spent in the white waters with my surfboard, drilling the pop-up over and over until I could get back up on the board by engaging some actual learnt skills rather than blind luck. I’m knackered and happy but still so much catching up to do… #surfnovice #dothingsthatmakeyouhappy #alwaystheroad #buylesslivemore #alifeofjoy #fulltimevanlife #natureismychurch #vandweller #alternativelife
I’ve hardly been in the water these past twelve I’ve hardly been in the water these past twelve months. I don’t know why. The compulsion just abandoned me, left me stranded on a sandbank of hesitancy one day and I never found the will to get back in. Until today. We’ve been parked in forests for weeks and then today I just needed to get to the coast - it was the strangest desire and when I arrived the waves were getting smaller as the tide was coming in but still I managed a lengthy and ungainly wiggle into my winter wetsuit, grabbed Andy’s board (it’s longer and less flighty than mine) and just paddled out. I’m not going to lie - it wasn’t pretty. I’ve forgotten the pop-up technique and that became glaringly evident within the first ten minutes. But you know - this is my first surf in the North Sea and I did managed to clamber, ungracefully, onto the board a couple of times. And now it’s returned. That fire. That deep desire to get my body into water at any given opportunity. Bring on the summer 🌞💛💙🌊 Thanks to @andyrgarside for getting this sneaky snap of me almost looking like I know what I’m doing 😂 #surfnovice #justwannahavefun #alifeofjoy #noapologies #feelinggood #natureismytherapy #natureismychurch #fulltimevanlife #createyourlife #theroadismyhome #youdonthavetobegoodatsomethingtoloveit
I’m often asked about home-cooking food for our I’m often asked about home-cooking food for our rescue hounds & so as I remain obsessed with making our tiny-plant-based-kitchen-on-wheels as zero-food-waste (& minimal energy usage) as possible I thought I’d share this.   The reason I switched the hounds to home-cooked food was that we struggled to maintain consistency in their diets when travelling abroad. There’s a wealth of resources online I’d highly recommend reading to boost your confidence before starting.   This is an example of how I use dried kidney beans - but I also use chickpeas, black eyed beans, pinto beans etc… as well as legume that don’t need soaking such as brown, green or red lentils:   Rinse, then soak overnight, 500g dried kidney beans (for the hounds) plus 200g for us. Put all beans into a large pan and bring to the boil then simmer until soft (about 1hr). I then tip the hounds’ beans into a large plastic container & mash, then tip the rest of the beans into a separate container that’ll make two meals for us. Keep the water the beans were boiled in as it has loads of protein (add more water if needed). Add all the chopped veg for the hounds, this is whatever I have such as: carrots, potatoes + peelings, broccoli stalks, cauliflower leaves & stem, beetroot peelings & leaves, courgette, wilted salad leaves, kale stalks, cabbage hearts, squash, sweet potato, celery ends, apple cores, and any fresh herbs that are going off. I don’t give them: tomatoes, onions, garlic etc… Boil the veg for about 20mins then add more water if needed + 4 cups of rice. Boil then simmer until rice is almost cooked. Switch off pan & leave to steam for 10mins, then add to the large bucket of mashed beans & stir. Our hounds eat twice a day + they share a tin of oily fish (usually sardines in oil) with each meal for additional protein & fats - I don’t think they should be vegan. This much food should last them for five meals each.   With our beans I made: bean dip for lunch that day, & for dinner the day after, spicy refried beans with rice, some leftover fake-chicken, + homemade tomato salsa.   #zerofoodwaste #cookingformydog #cookingformyfamily #nodogleftbehind #plantbasedkitchen #slowlivingactivism
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