Cadair Idris – Idris is a Cymraeg giant and this is his chair. Legend has it if you spend a night on this mountain you return mad or a poet (is there a difference?).
I went to the mountain today and he asked, ‘What do you want?’
‘I don’t want anything’ I replied.
And I’ve felt proud that I’ve spent years cultivating this ‘not wanting’, growing an ability to step outside of the maelstrom of ‘want’ that we can all get sucked into.
As an aside I challenge my ‘want’ through a series of curious ‘whys’, and a promise to myself to answer with radical honesty:
Why do I want this?
Because X Y or Z has it.
Because it will make me look good.
Because someone else wants me to do this.
Because I’m worried I’m not enough and this will fill that gap.
Because if I stop wanting what others have or what’s laid out in front of me I’ll have to truly think for myself about who I am and then I’ll have to honestly start working towards goals that will reveal my true self and I’ve spent a long time doing the complete opposite…
So now I’m in a place of ‘not wanting’. I’ve learned to live with less, to expect less, to work and produce less, to demand less from people and the Earth.
Only the mountain isn’t interested in what I’ve done, he sees me. Completely.
What am I aiming for?
What is my focus?
Where is my intent?
So I return from a weatherbeaten hike, soaked to my skin with another lesson: to break free of want is only half the battle – to then learn to shape my focus so that I might create with real intent is the next challenge.
And I realise I’ve already been working in this way for some time; as I was letting go of ‘want’ this undercurrent of intent was already roiling away, I just perhaps didn’t comprehend the extent of it – but you can’t hide anything from the mountain.
He offers hard truth and ice cold clarity.
Magnifier of thoughts – even when all you can see is thick fog and driving sleet. #100outdoordays day19