I am so in love with my body right now I want to swim in every glorious moment, feel it visceral and wild against skin. Yesterday I blasted uphill fireroads on the bike, lungs sucking in mouthfuls of spring, forest air. Then long swooping singletrack descents had me stood on pedals until the fronts of thighs burned like crazy, eyes focussed on the trail ahead. Slowly I’m remembering how to ride, the movement of body with bike, muscle memory calling…
This last week has been emotional. No matter how much work we do on ourselves there’s always the part where we then move back into the world of other people, and it’s daunting. Vanlife for me has been a huge opportunity to hit the reset button: on how I work, how I live, and how I connect with people. It begins with healing the Self, and as that process deepens it allows us to being the work with those closest…
When I need to be around big things so I can ignore the small…
November 13, 2020I had a bit of a weird trigger this morning. Usually if I wake early I lie in bed writing a blog or ideas for a poem on my phone as it’s not fun getting up too early in a van when it’s cold, dark and raining outside.Yesterday I posted a lovely chat with Liset who also spends time creating on the road and I was feeling really happy with the way the OUTSIDER blog is evolving. I also sent…
I had a crisis of confidence on here a while ago… a lot of it was to do with how I’m perceived and the way we live. I was worried that posting about travel during a pandemic might annoy some people, I was worried I post too much for other people, I was worried that I might be misunderstood. Since being back in Wales, still in the van, and in a lockdown I’ve asked myself – what is it that…
Just be yourself.I wish people who said that understood how hard that can be. What is the ‘self’ anyway except a construct? Except a jumbled flood of experiences filtered through our water/flesh sacks and a brain we don’t ever fully understand the functionings of? My ‘self’ is a constantly evolving being. Some of this is almost imperceptible, some of it is conscious choosing – what is ‘organic’ growth and why do we expect it of anyone when the education system…
Lazy van mornings. Cooking breakfast for the hounds. Being back in Wales is making lockdown more real, perhaps because we’re more tuned into the cultural thinking here. Half of me feels totally disassociated from it all, the other half feels as if I’m absorbing too much of the worry and the anger and the stress. This can lead to catastrophising about future things I have no control over. When this happens I have a series of questions to ask myself:…
An old tattoo reminding me I have fire in my belly, and that sometimes I’ve allowed these flames to be near-extinguished. Mountain energy here is magnificent, and this time I’ve brought all the right things. As for my fears? Well, it doesn’t matter how big the mountain – when multiplying thoughts by 0 fear, you still get 0 fear. Feeling ready to think big and throw down some attitude. Nature always gives us what we need if we’re prepared to…
I wasn’t sure about posting this photo Andy took when I wasn’t aware recently. I don’t look like a lot of the other yoga people in these squares. My legs are thicker, I’m still learning to stretch my 44yr old body into what are considered some pretty easy poses, and I’m not in lycra. But then a lot of showing up in this space, for me, is about my struggles with self-acceptance, with loving myself exactly as I am, not…
@tinygiantlife asked today how people cope with anxiety and stress. When I’m funnelling it into healthy activities I become obsessed with learning a language, surfing, mountain biking, writing, reading and cooking interesting dishes; when it all gets too much I drink wine, overeat sugar/wheat until I feel sick, get stuck in scrolling news cycles, cannot focus on creating, and become horribly self-critical (who do I think I am creating this… Etcétera ad nauseum). This week I’m oscillating wildly between the…