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That time I fell in love with myself

June 27, 2019

Is there anything better than picnics in the sunshine? I think not. I love this photo Andy took the other day. In the past I’d have frowned at my thick arms and the fact I’m not angling my chin correctly so it’s doubled over; I would have hated the grey streak in my hair & visible lines around the eyes. What a numpty ‘past Sophie’ was! Ah gods if only I could go back in time and tell myself how little all of these aesthetic things I was obsessing over, hour after hour shrinking my world, actually matter. A few years past 40 and I’ve never felt so calm & confident and it has nothing whatsoever to do with my weight, chin, hair colour or the smoothness of my skin. This new inner strength comes in part from learning to put a shitload of boundaries everywhere. I might even be overdoing it all just now but hell! I’ve got some making up to do. And this is me, writing my own narrative, following my own intuition, making my own mistakes & loving learning from every one. I’m stepping away from anything that doesn’t bring me joy, & towards everything that brings me peace & happiness & helps to grow an immense sense of wonder at this most beautiful world we live in. Time is not running out for a woman of my age, I have all the time in the world now that I have stepped out of the male gaze & into my female power. As this process continues, so many strong, creative & utterly wonderful women have begun to appear in my life, it’s like a magnetic force & we’re all pulling together. Ah! On days like these I know we are a seachange of bellies & thighs & grey hair & ideas & energy & confidence flooding this world with much needed ecstatic energy, joy & love.

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